THE COMPLETE MARRIAGE MAKEOVER

We have all seen it on TV: “Facial Make Over”, “Fashion Make Over”, “Home Make Over”, what about a Complete Marriage Make Over?? Let’s face it, weather you have been married for one, or fifty years, marriage isn’t always what we can call the “Greatest Adventure of Our Lives”. We knew it was going to take work, but we didn’t really know how much. On top of that, there have been major screw-ups (and a lot more little ones) over the years that have caused the marriage to point downhill. Down and deeper, worse and irreconcilable, to the point of no recovery…or at least it feels that way! What you need is a complete marriage make over, an opportunity to start your marriage again. This article will empower you to make important decisions; life-changing decisions that will help you improve and save your marriage. Are you desperate to learn how?

 

Steps for a Complete Make Over

You might be hearing all sorts of advices. From “leave him/her”, and “get a divorce”, to “you have to stay married and be miserable forever”, “it was your decision to marry him/her”, or “I told you so!” None of these approaches help and in turn cause much more pain and confusion. The reality is that, unless a person is in danger by staying married to someone, all marriages can be saved. No one said it will be an easy process, but it will be definitely worth it to give it a try. If your marriage is experiencing unfaithfulness, abandonment, fighting, lack of communication, frustration, pain, depression, etc, there IS hope for it.

Here are 4 basic steps for a Complete Marriage Make Over:

1. Sense of Self Make Over
2. The Love Make Over
3. The Intimacy Make Over
4. Priorities Make Over

 

Your Sense of Self Make Over

The first step to renewing your marriage starts within yourself. That’s right! The very core of your self-being that has, more likely, been forgotten somewhere. You have to rediscover your sense of self worth, and under no circumstances let yourself depend on your spouse as a “self-worth meter”. Think for a minute, how were you like before you got married? Before you were “the spouse of”, or “the mother/father of”. What were you passionate about? What did you love doing the most? Recovering one of your past hobbies or interests and spending time doing what you loved the most will help you be independent again, feel free and worthy. In turn, you will not depend on your spouse to make you feel good. No one can take “who you are” away from you. Go back to your dancing classes, your soccer practice, and your forgotten piano lessons. Do the healthy and positive things (as oppose to things that will hurt your marriage even more) that made you smile and feel alive. It will help you feel better when you come back home.

 

The Love Make Over

Focusing on falling in love again instead of on “trying to fix things” will allow you to revalue the reason why you are deciding to stay married. Everybody has problems, every couple, and every marriage. How we deal with them, how we face them, and how we treat our partners during that time makes the difference. Make a decision to put the conflict on the side for at least 3 days. Give it a try! Make plans every night. Go for a walk with your spouse, try holding hands, go back to your favorite restaurant, watch a movie that you both enjoy, get a small “something” special for him/her, etc. Focus on love, and you will see how resolving problems and conflict becomes easier.

 

The Intimacy Make Over

In this section I’m referring to the level of friendship that you have to renew within your marriage. Remember when you used to be able to talk about everything with your spouse? Or just do something for hours without talking? Think of something that you can share with him/her. I know this is a difficult task if you have lost trust in your spouse, but take some time to think about something that you can share. It might take your spouse by surprise, but be patient. If words aren’t your specialty, try writing a letter, or doing something together. Open a way to a deeper level of communication with your spouse by sharing a tiny bit of your heart again; physical intimacy will come again too. Keep in mind that non-verbal communication is also a way of comunication! Reconnect with your spouse!

 

The Priorities Make Over

In order to complete your marriage makeover, you need to think about where, and doing what, are you spending most of your time? Doing what? It is time that you re-establish your priorities and start moving your marriage to the top of the list. Instead of spending time eating, shopping, playing videogames or hanging around with your friends, devote more time to your spouse’s needs, and to your marriage. Instead of avoiding facing your partner by keeping yourself busy at work, try investing that amount of time on finding a therapist, or a good book about marriage, a hobby that you two can share, or just sitting on the sofa with him/her. Invest in your marriage, it is the best decision you will ever do.

 

Parting words…

Even if the process isn’t exactly a walk on the clouds, saving your marriage will be the best decision that you will ever make. Give the best you can to restoring it, even if your partner doesn’t want to participate. The best is yet to come, and changes will start to happen as soon as you set your heart on it.

“A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, and always with the same person.” – Mignon McLaughlin

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